Following are excerpts from an article published in the September/October 2007 issue of the School Counselor of the American School Counselor Association, Find the Balance, by Tamara E. Davis, Ed.D.
Encouraging students to do their best is one thing, but striving to be perfect can result in students buckling under the pressure and may lead to self-destructive behaviors such as eating disorders, substance abuse, or suicidal ideation.
Perfectionism can be a positive and motivating quality to possess. It facilitates hard work and perpetuates the desire to get something done and do it well. If we didn't strive for excellence at some point, then our lives would be a trail of unfinished business and mediocrity.
Since perfectionism is both good and bad, the best way to deal with it is to BALANCE:
B - Believe it is OK to be less-than-perfect. We can help alleviate the anxiety of imperfection by encouraging our students to find healthy outlets for their stress.
A - Accept when things go wrong. Things in life often do go wrong, and the gift is learning to accept it, learn from it and have the resilience to move forward despite it.
L - Lean how to reframe. In every situation, even bad ones, a positive lesson, idea or adage can be gleaned. Good things may come from what seems like failed circumstances.
A - Access support systems. Help your student identify a variety of support systems, including of course the school counselor.
N - Negotiate Emotions. In our society, expressing emotions is sometimes discouraged. Students need to learn it's normal to feel and that their feelings are valid. Help them find appropriate ways to channel emotions.
C - Challenge irrational expectations. Students often have unrealistic expectations of themselves and their abilities. For example, if a student is over scheduled, show them with a time chart that there really aren't enough hours in the day to do all those things.
E - Enjoy the journey. Often, students who are striving for perfection miss out on the joys of the journey along the way. In life, it is often the mundane or day-to-day things that provide the true gifts in our lives.
Some perfectionists do not overachieve and may actually underachieve, because their fear of failure is so great they would rather not try than to try and fail. Schools and parents can work together to ensure that students are not pressured to be perfect, but to be the best that they can be. In that way we can raise happy, well-adjusted contributors to the world.
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